Smiling From the Wrists Down? Really?

When I first started out as a publicist, back in about 2011, one thing my mentors/bosses would advise their clients to do was "smile from the wrists down." What does this mean? Basically, it means to stay absolutely neutral on social media and elsewhere, no matter how badly you want to comment on world events or in your life or career. Authors were told to just put a smile on their face and hide it all away. Back in 2011, I think many people were privileged enough where social problems were not at their doorstep or all over their media stream like they are today--though a great many people did not have that privilege. But my question is, was it ever realistic, healthy, or desirable to do this, even in the so-called "good times?" This is what I will tackle in this post.

In the earliest years of the 2000s, social media was brand new. Everyone was trying to figure out the best way to use it, and authors and creatives realized it was a great way to connect with readers. But what did those readers want to see? The consensus among publishers and executives--which trickled down to others--was that readers wanted a sanitary, happy, escapist experience. People read books to escape, right? Wouldn't they want their social media experience to be the same? So a lot of publicists told their authors to basically create a second type of fiction on their social media. A fantasy life where nothing is wrong in both life or the world.

OK, so what's the problem with this? Well, for one, it is a really privileged viewpoint. Maybe some demographics could easily just pretend everything was peachy, but events in life and the world sure as heck had an impact on everyone else's lives, in ways that couldn't be hidden with rose-colored glasses. How privileged was it to "smile from the wrists down" when other people's worlds were on fire? And how dare someone tell a marginalized author to smile and wave on social media like nothing is wrong, when there are very real threats to their livelihood and even survival? Were my mentors and bosses serious? Was this the best way?

When you think about it, authors, no matter what their demographics, have a unique privilege in that they have a voice (and of course, the amount of voice they have will often depend on demographics, but for the sake of argument, we'll just talk about authors in general). Authors can use their voices in powerful ways--like making a reader believe for a few hours that dragons exist, or that love conquers all. But you as an author also have followings on social media, where you aren't creating fiction, but talking to real people in the real world. You hopefully have readers from all walks of life, all demographics, united by their love of books. And while these followers probably don't follow you for political commentary or social expertise, they do follow you. If something bad is happening in the world, say, violence at a Pride festival, if you only focus on talking about your book, that's kind of gauche. Yet, by following the rule of "smile from the wrists down," should you say nothing at all? That doesn't seem right either, does it?

I invite you to consider how your readers in the targeted demographic of the horrible event might feel if their favorite author, rather than saying nothing, simply posted a message supporting them. Or, perhaps even more than that: a message condemning the violence outright. As long as the message is from the heart, those people who were hurt will appreciate it.

But what about the part of your audience who wasn't hurt? What about the part of your audience who might have been actively for whatever happened? Won't you alienate those readers? That was the logic behind the whole "smile from the wrists down." It was so that authors wouldn't hurt the feelings of readers who didn't agree with them.

Look, I know that as authors, we are always struggling to sell books. It's rough out there. But if your books are well-written, they contain pieces of you in them, even subconsciously. By reading your books, your audience has already gotten to know you. People who read my work won't be surprised to find out that I have lots of pride, that I hate bigots, and I think colonialism sucks. The people who disagree with me about these things aren't my readers. Those people trolling you on social media for your posts supporting peace and love are not buying your books. And I don't know about you, but I don't want to be known as an author that bigots line up to read. I want my readers to feel safe and comforted, and I don't want my marginalized readers to be subjected to nasty comments on my social media. I don't think I would ever be upset if a bigot doesn't follow me, but it would mean the world to me to hear that marginalized people feel safe following me. That's my bright line, and I suggest that as an author, you find yours. I have no qualms about blocking people from my page when they don't follow the rules. But I know my rules, my limits. They are things I put a lot of thought into.

So, no. I don't suggest that everything you post be happy and rose-tinted. The world is messy. We as readers and authors are messy. And we need to support each other as best we can. Humans are social creatures. We are meant to help each other. Does that mean some people might get mad? Maybe. But you can't make everyone happy. Queer authors make people mad just by existing. Should they give in to hate and crawl into a hole to make bigots happy? Hell no.

Not smiling from your wrists down isn't just to support readers. It can also help you as an author sometimes. There are people out there who give the advice that authors should never talk about their personal lives or selves on social media. Yet I have the example of one of my favorite authors in the late 90s who wrote two books of a series and was contracted for the third. The third book was on Amazon with a release date that kept slipping, and slipping...in fact, to this day, if you search the title, it's still there twenty years later. Readers were angry, livid. It was an awesome series and the second book ended on a cliffhanger. The comments on the listing on Amazon are nasty. No one knew what was going on, and everyone just assumed the author just moved on and didn't care. Well, finally, years later, the author did an interview and it came out that while she had been working on this book, her mother died, she herself had been in a bad car accident and had injuries, she struggled with mental health issues because of this...all things that readers (decent ones, anyway) could be understanding about. But, because she didn't want to burden people or look negative, she didn't say anything. After she confessed, though, there was a huge outpouring of support and understanding. Her readers wanted to comfort her. Readers know authors are human (most readers, anyway). Talking about when you have a hard time helps them remember it.

Of course, no one likes reading sad or angry stuff all the time. And this is where a modified version of "smile from the wrists down" comes in. If something happens that affects your readers, say, a childhood favorite author comes out as a super anti-trans bigot, you don't have to attack her (though you could, as well). Instead, focus on a more positive message of support to trans readers. Take a stand and don't stay neutral, but show how you support marginalized people. Share the work of other authors who support them. Check in with your readers and let them know you are thinking of them. Make a donation and encourage others to do so. Normalize kindness, acceptance, and inclusion. You can keep your message positive, but have firm beliefs.

There is a saying the "neutrality is the side of the oppressor," and over the years I've learned how true it is. If bigots don't know people are against them, they think they are right. If people with mental health issues think they are alone, their depression wins. Neutrality is an illusion. Smiling so you don't upset mean people just encourages them. So, no. Don't feel the need to stay positive or neutral on social media all the time. Readers who feel supported are often the most loyal readers of all.

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